The social skills of those with ADHD depend on a number of factors; whether they have another condition like autism or how well they are at controlling impulses. It may also depend on how aware they are of themselves and those around them, to even notice how others react to them.
Generally, people with ADHD have good social skills and high levels of empathy, but sometimes these don’t come through in the moment.
Determine What’s Appropriate & Inappropriate to Say
Some issues that can arise can be innocently saying something without realising whether it may be offensive, or knowing people would take it that way but blurting it out because of a lack of impulsive control. There’s also the issue of the more hyperactive ones to take control of a conversation and talk over people. People can be put off by loud, excited talkers who talk too fast and don’t give them a chance to speak, so always take time to stop for a breath.
People with ADHD are fast thinkers and due to a lack of impulse control can’t slow down long enough to consider what they are saying and how it would be interpreted. This could lead to embarrassing themselves, unintentionally offending people which then leads to arguments. It’s important to learn to hold back to not risk damaging interpersonal relationships.
All that takes is learning how to reflect on the situation, note what was said, how you said it and plan to do better next time. If someone thinks what you said was inappropriate it’s probably better not to repeat the same thing to them. Learn your audience. There are some people who would probably agree with you, and there are some who will absolutely not.
Such subjects as mature jokes, politics, religion, and anything where people take sides. You really need to make sure you know a lot about the person you’re talking to before you bring any of those subjects up. It’s ok to disagree but some people can hold very strong opposing opinions which can turn a simple disagreement into a screaming match.
Try to learn what is inappropriate to say and try to catch yourself before you say these things. It takes a lot of practice, and you’ll slip up from time to time, but that’s just part of being ADHD.
We may not be able to change how people react to what we say, but we can change how we say it.
If you don’t care about upsetting people then you can continue doing what you like but if you’re frustrated about always saying the wrong things and want to change, then this advice may help.
Try Not to Jump to Conclusions
Lately, I’ve noticed in the ADHD community people make a lot of assumptions and jump to conclusions a lot. I picked this up because long ago people making assumptions became my pet peeve. In high school I was the subject of much gossiping and even my boyfriend joined in on these untruths because they made him sound better. Basically, people were saying we were sexually active. We were 13 at a Baptist Christian School. I lived by that old quote from a Steven Segal film, ‘assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups.’
So, I really hate assumptions. Like Marty McFly can’t stand being called ‘chicken’ a fuse blows when someone makes an assumption about me. It’s also intellectually lazy.
I’m also annoyed by people jumping to conclusions on social media. The only positive thing is it gives me a chance to educate them or get them to try and widen their views, but I really wish I didn’t have to. We should not just assume we know how something really is without having the full facts. It’s arrogant, anti-intellectual and lazy. It makes us sound like conspiracy theorists, and also really really ignorant.
Anyway, if there’s one thing people with ADHD all collectively have is an interest in everything, and when looking up more sources to form a clearer picture, you can then, temporarily, hyperfocus while learning something new. Isn’t that a much better use of your time than spouting stubborn willful ignorance you’re too proud to admit could possibly be wrong?
Build More Empathic Skills
If during face to face interaction or even online you find you’re not always empathising right away, then you can try to strengthen this by reflecting on the conversation in your own quiet time. Sometimes it can take us time to realise when we should have empathised and because our brains are thinking so fast, and usually get stuck on a few details of what’s said rather than seeing someone’s overall reason for saying something.
So, spend some time going over the conversation later, seeing where you went wrong. Note how you could do better and next time put this into practice. If you need to learn some empathic skills you could try psychology sites that may have articles on such a subject.
Remember To Practice Self-Care
It can be a very long and frustrating process to improve ourselves, so try to go easy on yourself. When you fail to do what you’ve set out to do just try to do it next time. There’s no need to feel that it’s impossible to change or waste precious emotional energy on beating yourself up, becoming depressed and even anxious for the next social encounter to go wrong.
Always remember to celebrate each victory you make, no matter how minor. It’s important to have plenty of downtime too.
The more new skills you build and the longer you keep putting them into practice, the stronger they become so you hardly have to consciously think about it, it just comes to you naturally.
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